MYTHS & MISCONCEPTIONS about Introverts:
1. They don’t like people. (This may be true for some but not most)
2. They’re “Shy”.
3. They lack good social skills
4. They don’t get lonely.
5. They don’t know how to have “fun”.
6. Something is *wrong* with them/they’re depressed.
I love people. In general. I enjoy talking to and getting to know people; I think everyone has a story and everyone is valuable and important. But I don’t prefer “crowds” and I don’t like being the center of attention. Give me an intimate setting for a *short* amount of time. 👌🏽 golden. My closest friends know I am the one who skips weddings, funerals, celebrations of almost any kind if I think I can get away with it & it’s nothing personal to the folks of honor.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am not shy. I have no fear, and am typically the one who talks first, will introduce myself and try and make others feel welcome. But I do feel like I am “on”. And it requires a ton of effort. Being so friendly- especially for an extended period of time, drains me and can sometimes even take days to recover. This is the same with public speaking. I can do it. And am told I’m great at it. But it’s not an enjoyable experience & requires that being “on”.
Again, I would like to think that my friends/family/coworkers would agree I have decent social skills. I know how to carry on a conversation, ask thoughtful questions, and segue when necessary to end the conversation politely. Sometimes I even do most of the talking!! (Shocking I know)
One of the biggest challenges I personally have as an strong introvert is that I simultaneously get very lonely and want companionship and company; and yet want to be in my own home and actually *Need* frequent alone time. Again, this is where having a couple of *close* friends over for a *short* amount of time maybe a couple times per week is my “sweet-spot”. Since this rarely is possible... I am often just alone and lonely.
Fun is in the eye of the beholder. I love having fun! One-on-one with my husband, at home watching a
Movie. Or over the phone cackling at my little sisters anecdotes. Or at monthly “Family Game Night” with my adult kids, in my own home. Occasionally I will enjoy getting dressed up and going out to a club or event or friends BBQ- because my husband loves to do those things- but this is maybe 3 or 4 times per year. I “join in” on whatever is going on and fully engage in it, and I have fun. But don’t be surprised if we leave early or decline the next few invites, still recovering from the last social event.
Sometimes when I isolate, go off-grid, or otherwise just don’t seem available and approachable... I am just emotionally and physically SPENT. I am fine. I am not depressed. Nothing is “wrong” and I am content and happy with my life. But I need to refocus, refresh, regenerate energy and recuperate from previous engagements. Sometimes the irony, is that when I am trying to isolate and kind of slow down... is when people begin to “worry” and so insert themselves even more into my life. I have had to explain myself so many times, I have had to apologize for offending people who take it personally and I have frequently having to set very good and hard boundaries. It’s a conundrum. Please do not take offense or take it personally if I don’t feel like returning your text, or if I decline your invite.
Lastly, I think one thing that bothers me is the invalidation I get as an introvert. Because I am not shy, and am friendly and sociable, people have expectations of me that aren’t reasonable and ask things of me I am not able to give. When I tell them I am an introvert- I have heard “No you’re wrong. You need to take the assessment again. There’s no way you’re an introvert.” Or “Really? I had no idea, you don’t seem shy, I would never have known, ... well anyway, can you volunteer for _____” completely dismissing my explanation of why I’m isolating or saying No etc. I feel often that I have to somehow “prove” my introvertedness.
Hopefully this article helps clear up some of these issues and questions.
There you have it. My personal perspective on being an introvert.
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