A living Sacrifice

Listening to this song, I’m reminded that when I go through tough times, and life is very very hard and I am utterly shattered and broken... that I actually ASKED for this!!! What???

I didn’t ask to go through specific hardships.
I didn’t ask to be abused.
I didn’t ask to be raped.
I didn’t ask for my husband to leave me.
I didn’t want to be divorced.
I didn’t ask to lose everything.
I didn’t ask to face homelessness.
I didn’t ask for close loved ones to die or be killed.
I didn’t ask for my serious health issues.
I didn’t ask for my brain injury.
I didn’t want to feel so spent and tired.

But I have said; Lord Refine me. Mold me.
I did surrender and say “You are the potter.”
I did say, “Lord have your way.”
I did say “I will follow you, no matter what”
I did say “Lord I am yours.”

I remember that time I committed my life to Christ and said “You can have your way with me.”
I did say I would be a living sacrifice.

So all I have been through and have yet to go through, is in essence, the culmination of God answering prayers, meeting me and pruning.

Painful.

I think that’s why I read Psalm 145 out loud every day. There’s a lot of meat in it.

But the cliffs notes:

He is God.
He is Holy.
He is Powerful.
He is Mighty.
He is BIG.
He is Strong.
He is Just.
He is Creator
He is Righteous
AND
He is Good.
He is Kind
He is Forgiving
He Lifts Us
He Stays with us
He answers us.
He Is Faithful.
He will satisfy

And there is this balance in the tension of all those truths. It’s not one or the other. It’s all of it.

Listen:

https://youtu.be/UGFCbmvk0vo

A Decade of Change ...

... a Picture of Hope. 

As we approach the end of this decade, I wanted to take a look back at all that has happened since 2010. These brief “titles” don’t begin to describe the enormous impact some of these events had on my life. The tremendous pain, confusion, fear and instability they had at times. And sometimes immense pride and Joy! A true roller coaster. 

Some of these things lasted a year or more... and not everything is of course mentioned; this isn’t an exhaustive list, just the “highlights”. 

*Moved 5 times 

*Moved across the country 

*Sold a house 

*Lived with & survived physical, emotional and spiritual abuse! 

*Discovered & Forgave infidelities 

*I Got divorced 

*I Got remarried 

*Have held 9 different jobs 

*Had 4 kids graduate High School

*Had 2 kids graduate College

*Had kiddo’s, do homeschooling, Online School and drop out of school. 

*Traveled out of state 24 times 

*Traveled out of country 3 times 

*Healed from/forgave a plethora of Childhood Trauma and found a new freedom. 

*Had 2 kids get married 
*Got “lost” for a summer, and then was found. Amazing Grace. 

*Been in the Emergency Room 4 times w/ serious illness or injury. 

*Got some training/certification to be a counselor

*Learned to love and like myself 

*Ruptured my Achilles Tendon 

*Learned to set good and healthy boundaries 

*Discovered 2 new life threatening allergies 

*Spent 3 months with boils all over my body (caused by Strep) 

*Had fun dating half a dozen really great (some gorgeous & very successful) men. 

*lost 50 pounds 

*Gained 50 pounds 

*Lost 7 close relatives 

*Lost 4 close friends 

*Faced Homelessness 3 times. 

*Was assaulted at one of my workplaces #Metoo 

*Spent countless hours & hours at various beaches. 

*Made half a dozen good friends. 

*Almost lost a daughter. THREE times. 

*Memorized Several chapters in the Bible 

Life changes so fast. 

If you were to ask me 10 years ago, “where will you be in 10 years?” Almost all of these things would never have crossed my mind. 

Life changed from year to year! With different homes, jobs, kids in different schools-even type of school, different friends in and out of my life, Different illnesses, and so on. Not one year looked the same as the last. 

Now I’m a stay at home mom, living in a large beautiful house on a lake, in a whole new state-married to the man of my dreams. 

People get “Stuck” in their circumstances. They feel like nothing will ever change. They get depressed and/or anxious about their future. 

The truth is, when you look back... that’s when you realize how strong you are. How far you’ve come! No matter how small, how insignificant or subtle it may be. Change happens. It’s your decision how you respond to it, and wether it’s a change for your good or for your demise. It’s about perspective. 

EMBRACE the Change. Get Unstuck! Just put one foot in front of the other. But keep going. Don’t give up! You’re worth it. POKOPO. 

Phil. 4:13 
Phil. 3:14 
Heb. 12:1-2

Cheers to the next Decade! Whatever it may bring. 

Reframe: Stressor > Triggers

In your recovery & healing journey, you may have heard the word “trigger” used quite frequently. 

I learned (Thanks to Mary Ellen Copeland Foundation & W.R.A.P.) recently to change the term to “Stressor” & here’s why: 

Trigger: like that used in a gun, is a strong and powerful term used to identify the visceral feelings our bodies & minds go through when we are faced directly or indirectly with a memory of an incident or a person/place/object involved in said incident. 

But what happens when you pull the trigger of a gun? The bullet shoots, and it’s force is destructive. Regardless of what it hits, paper, soft object, target etc. it will destroy whatever it comes in contact with on impact. More over, you can’t stop the bullet from its trajectory once it’s released from the gun. Lastly, you can’t put a used bullet back inside the gun. Once you pull the trigger that’s it! No changing course, no changing the outcome. 

But that is not the case with Trauma & “Stressors”: 

We deal with a plethora of stressors every single day! Some more significant than others. And 100% of the time we somehow manage to cope and deal and overcome every single stressor we face, daily!! 

EVEN THE EVENTS FROM THE PAST THAT YOU EXPERIENCED. You survived it, you lived through the actual event, once already! So when faced when a memory, or a person directly or indirectly, you WILL Survive that too! 

You might say but the term “Stressor”

Isn’t a strong enough word to describe the impact my “Triggers” have on me... 

The term “Stressor” minimizes the impact on purpose. By changing the term and language in our own minds when faced with our (now called) Stressors - it immediately **empowers** us and reminds us, we CAN overcome, as we do with every other Stressor everyday, we can change the trajectory AND the outcome!! It does not *have* to destroy you. Not even for a moment. 

That Stressor does not control me. My body and my mind may continue to have an immediate and unexpected visceral response... but I get to control how I will cope, to overcome that response and more importantly to what degree I will continue to let that Stressor have power over me!! 

E.G. “... this situation stresses me out! (Instead of ‘Triggers Me’) What will I do to release and reduce the stress?” ... then use your wellness tools. (Don’t have Wellness Tools? Ask me!) I acknowledge that, it’s “not that simple”, and those physical responses happen so quickly we often don’t have time to think through our reaction. But training ourselves now-before the incident will help. And continuing to practice this every time, will make it easier and easier to become our new “normal” “go-to” response.  

(W.R.A.P. Is a SAMHSA Evidenced Based Tool to help you feel better and stay better. Developed by Mary Ellen Copeland). 

You are stronger than you know & braver than you believe. 

REMEMBER; STATISTICALLY SPEAKING!!!! 

You have *already* survived 100% of everything you’ve been through. You will survive Stressors too! 

Phil. 4:13 

Hi. I’m Mia, and I’m an Introvert.

MYTHS & MISCONCEPTIONS about Introverts: 

1. They don’t like people. (This may be true for some but not most) 

2. They’re “Shy”. 

3. They lack good social skills 

4. They don’t get lonely. 

5. They don’t know how to have “fun”. 

6. Something is *wrong* with them/they’re depressed. 

I love people. In general. I enjoy talking to and getting to know people; I think everyone has a story and everyone is valuable and important. But I don’t prefer “crowds” and I don’t like being the center of attention. Give me an intimate setting for a *short* amount of time. 👌🏽 golden. My closest friends know I am the one who skips weddings, funerals, celebrations of almost any kind if I think I can get away with it & it’s nothing personal to the folks of honor. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I am not shy. I have no fear, and am typically the one who talks first, will introduce myself and try and make others feel welcome. But I do feel like I am “on”. And it requires a ton of effort. Being so friendly- especially for an extended period of time, drains me and can sometimes even take days to recover. This is the same with public speaking. I can do it. And am told I’m great at it. But it’s not an enjoyable experience & requires that being “on”. 

Again, I would like to think that my friends/family/coworkers would agree I have decent social skills. I know how to carry on a conversation, ask thoughtful questions, and segue when necessary to end the conversation politely. Sometimes I even do most of the talking!! (Shocking I know) 

One of the biggest challenges I personally have as an strong introvert is that I simultaneously get very lonely and want companionship and company; and yet want to be in my own home and actually *Need* frequent alone time. Again, this is where having a couple of *close* friends over for a *short* amount of time maybe a couple times per week is my “sweet-spot”. Since this rarely is possible... I am often just alone and lonely. 

Fun is in the eye of the beholder. I love having fun! One-on-one with my husband, at home watching a

Movie. Or over the phone cackling at my little sisters anecdotes. Or at monthly “Family Game Night” with my adult kids, in my own home. Occasionally I will enjoy getting dressed up and going out to a club or event or friends BBQ- because my husband loves to do those things- but this is maybe 3 or 4 times per year. I “join in” on whatever is going on and fully engage in it, and I have fun. But don’t be surprised if we leave early or decline the next few invites, still recovering from the last social event. 

Sometimes when I isolate, go off-grid, or otherwise just don’t seem available and approachable... I am just emotionally and physically SPENT. I am fine. I am not depressed. Nothing is “wrong” and I am content and happy with my life. But I need to refocus, refresh, regenerate energy and recuperate from previous engagements. Sometimes the irony, is that when I am trying to isolate and kind of slow down... is when people begin to “worry” and so insert themselves even more into my life. I have had to explain myself so many times, I have had to apologize for offending people who take it personally and I have frequently having to set very good and hard boundaries. It’s a conundrum. Please do not take offense or take it personally if I don’t feel like returning your text, or if I decline your invite. 

Lastly, I think one thing that bothers me is the invalidation I get as an introvert. Because I am not shy, and am friendly and sociable, people have expectations of me that aren’t reasonable and ask things of me I am not able to give. When I tell them I am an introvert- I have heard “No you’re wrong. You need to take the assessment again. There’s no way you’re an introvert.” Or “Really? I had no idea, you don’t seem shy, I would never have known, ... well anyway, can you volunteer for _____” completely dismissing my explanation of why I’m isolating or saying No etc. I feel often that I have to somehow “prove” my introvertedness. 

Hopefully this article helps clear up some of these issues and questions. 

There you have it. My personal perspective on being an introvert.