Mia = Mine

Been awhile since I did one of these “Powell Paraphrases”.

But I was WEEPING this morning during my devo’s, as I read through Isaiah 43-44. (ESV) These are chapters I’ve read a hundred times, many verses I have memorized!

But for some reason I read it differently this morning. And so I am sharing what I gleaned with you.

P.S. If anyone has a new alliteration-name that I can give these renderings, instead of “Powell Paraphrase” since, you know... I’m not a Powell anymore. I’d appreciate it. Open to suggestions.

Isaiah 43-44 (ESV)
9 verses Powell Paraphrased

Thus says the Lord. You are precious in His eyes. You are loved. By the God who created & formed you. You are honored. By God who is with you when you face trials, fires, waters and rivers. You will not be burned or overwhelmed. Because He is with you. Forget what happened before, God is doing something new! He knows you were unfaithful before. He knows you walked away from Him. But He has forgiven you and remembers your sins no more! He has called you by name and you are HIS! He WILL make a way for you. He will bless you and pour out His Spirit on you. He is the Lord and there is no Savior beside Him. So do not be afraid.



43:1b “... I have called you by name, you are MIA” (Mia means “mine” in Spanish)

#GodsWordFTW

I found it!! The Meaning of Life

Well now I’ve done it. Solved the mystery of one of the most complex questions. 

I was pondering earlier, “What is the meaning of life?” (I only asked because I happened to see the number “42” which is of course the best answer. And always reminds me of that particular question!) 

However, as I stopped for a moment, I wondered...”What do others say the meaning of Life is, legitimately?” So I turn to tried and true source of wisdom. I *googled* first and then went on Amazon and discovered there are dozens and dozens of books and articles on this very topic. So many people have the same question & are seeking answers! 

Some...most, are spiritually bent. Some simply discuss finding ones purpose and pleasures. And as I perused all the different perspectives and ideas, guesses and beliefs, It HIT ME. 

I don’t believe “What is the meaning of life?” is the right question. I think we need to ask... “What do I do, to *have* a meaningful life?” 

For me the answer lies in Scripture and in following the *Author of Life*. He wrote my name in the *Book of Life*. 

Jesus is what I pursue; and in doing so, I found that He gives my life meaning, brings fulfillment, purpose, pleasure & Joy. 

If you don’t believe me, Just seek Him. If you don’t know where, just ask me. 

So there you have it. Jesus (and the #42) Worlds most complex question answered. 

You’re welcome! 

Message for my “Christian Friends”... I forgive you.

Gentle Rebuke for my “Christian-friends”. I forgive you. 

WARNING: VULNERABLE ALERT ALSO LONG POST

This is a loving rebuke for those who may need it. I’m praying it’s received in the spirit it is given. 

Recently (over a year ago) I was angry with God. And as a result, I did not want to walk in obedience to His will. 

This time of my life was very brief, but the pain was so deep and my actions so significant... it caused a lot of brokenness in many areas of my life. 

I KNOW I am absolutely 100% responsible for my own actions and behavior and would never try and make someone else feel responsible or take blame. I get that. 

Having said that though, I’d like to share about some experiences I had. 

Several times I tried to reach out & confide in friends and people I thought would be “safe” to be transparent with, people who may have been able to help me; to find clarity, find conviction and find my way back to Jesus. I was looking for a word that would bring about healing and repentance. 

But, time & time again I was met with, anger, rejection, judgment, condemnation, silent treatment, I was called names, I was cursed, and most painfully, I was betrayed when those I confided in gossiped about me out of pseudo “concern” and shared my story with others and many times INACCURATELY!! Which caused more hurt to the ears that listened. Very few offered to pray with me or any hope at all. 

All this led to more broken relationships and even more distance between me and the church and Jesus. Every one of these friends/people are “Christians”. Who I thought I could trust. 

Now again, I’m not saying my actions were justified in ANY way. I have confessed and sought forgiveness and have repented and been made new. 

Yet, when I confronted a couple folks about my experience I was told “well if you didn’t want anyone to find out, or people to react that way, you should have never said anything or you should never have made those mistakes in the first place. You knew the truth and you chose to walk away, their response is just a consequence of your own choices.” 

My friends hear my heart in this, that attitude is SO wrong on so many levels. The Bible is very clear that it is His *Kindness* that leads people to repentance!! And it is the Holy Spirits job to convict. 

What was the POINT of Jesus being crucified if not for GRACE & Mercy and Forgiveness!! And How can someone suggest I keep my sin hidden?? 

There are still some people who have not forgiven me. And others who still don’t trust me. (That I understand and do accept as a consequence of my choices) 

...but to be outright-condemned, cursed at, rejected and gossiped about- is JUST as sinful as anything I had done!! 

No WONDER so many people don’t like Christianity!!! So many of us give it a bad name. 

———————————————————-

When I NEEDED CHRISTS LOVE THE MOST... I was abandoned. 

Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually. *That broke me more, than what led me to rebellion in the first place.*

Honestly I have no idea if any of the folks responsible will ever read this or if some of them are even on Social Media but ... maybe my story will help someone else. 

LISTEN PLEASE: 

If a brother or sister in Jesus, is falling... don’t cut the rope!!! Reach out and help them up!! 

*Don’t turn your back. 

*Don’t take up others’ offenses, 

*Don’t play Holy Spirit!

*Don’t Just “call-out” their sin & offer no hope. 

Love them through it. Speak truth in love! Stop, **find out what is causing the gap in their relationship with Jesus and offer them HOPE!** Remind them of Gods character, that He loves them no matter what, that there is forgiveness and redemption!! And that they are worthy of both. 

I needlessly spent a lot longer time away from church (and repentance) because all I felt was more pain and anger and betrayal & rejection. 

**My Christian friends added salt to a wound and confusion to my pain**

I had never felt SO LOW!!! 

And THAT is not JESUS!!! He didn’t come to condemn or to make people feel badly about themselves...if that’s what you’re doing, then YOU ARE NOT REPRESENTING CHRIST. 

Again I hope this is received well and *not* doing exactly what I’m rebuking, by making people feel condemned, judged etc. that’s not my heart or intent. 

Truly, I think it’s important for all of us to be mindful of what we say to those who are hurting and in sin. Wether they are non-believers, baby-believers, or folks who have walked with the Lord for years. 

If any of you who reacted this way to me do read this. I forgive you. I love you. I bless you! 

AS FOR ME: Where am I now? 

God WAS able to redeem all of this. During this dark time of my life, as always, God was faithful. He did show up, over & over and wooed me back to Himself. 

I was able to learn even more about His character and understand on an even deeper and more meaningful level forgiveness & grace and what it means to come out of the mire and have that “conversion” moment. 

I became even more humbled and more in love with Jesus than ever! My Rock and My Salvation. Things we go through- even as a result of our own sinful choices- are not purposeless. He can use them and turn them into Gold. 

Thank you for reading. 

#TrialsTurnToGold 

#TestToTestimony 

CONFESSION

CONFESSION: 

I went through a season last year (albeit brief-relatively speaking) of rebellion.  I hurt my family and some close friends with my actions; but most importantly I hurt Jesus and my relationship with Him. 

The last 6 months have been so healing for me and my family & My relationship with Jesus is totally restored too! God is so good, and I am highly favored, with His Grace and Mercy. 

But lately the enemy reminds me of my wrongs. he makes me think I’m not worthy of forgiveness or to be used by God. he makes me start to doubt my assurances and feel overwhelming guilt and shame. he tries to instill anxiety and isolation. 

I am publicly asking for forgiveness from those who were affected by my choices but most importantly I am CLAIMING my position with Jesus. 

The following verse and song are what I have been ruminating on all day!! I hope you look up the actual verse and listen carefully to the song... & let Gods word be transformative. I know it has transformed me. 

Powell Paraphrase #10 

For I am certain, that nothing I have done, nor anything I will do, not a word I have spoken, a wound I have caused, a stupid choice I have made, nor rebellious action, nor mistake or error I have committed, could ever take away the Love that Jesus has for me, or the purpose He had when He died for my sins, His love for me is immeasurable. 

#GodsWordFTW 

#StrongLove 

#Jesus 

https://youtu.be/BzLusjo7-00

Romans 8:38-39

The lies we believe and the Truth to set us free.

I used to live this way: 

I had low self-worth/loathing, I came from a Trauma background & didn’t think much of myself, felt I was worthless, stupid, you name it. I hated my life and believed nothing could change. I used to put myself down a lot! I lived with depression & anxiety and anger. 

Until I accepted the truth about how Jesus sees me!! 

Zephaniah 3:17 became my life verse!! 

Jesus is my # 1 fan. 

I meditated on: 

Psalms- That I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. That everything God makes is GOOD. 

Jeremiah: That God has a plan and a purpose for me! 

Zephaniah: That He rejoices over me, and takes DELIGHT in me! 

Romans: Nothing could ever take away Christs love 

I began to believe that No matter what I do, or how I fail him, His view of me doesn’t change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I also had someone speak into my life and remind me; that if the God of the universe thought I was worthy enough to die for, how *dare* I place myself ABOVE God and declare myself something that He doesn’t. 

For me to claim an identity that Jesus did not give me, is akin to idolatry & sinful pride, for that reason alone, I forced myself to learn my *true* identity. 

I am loved. 

I am beautiful. 

I have a purpose. 

I have a future. 

I am strong. 

I am worthy. 

I am Highly Favored 

I am forgiven 

#GodsWordFTW #Jesus #Truth #HighlyFavored

Why I gave up Lent... for Lent.

Why I gave up Lent for Lent. 

Okay I didn’t really give it up *for* Lent. 

The thing is: 

I was raised in an evangelical Christian home, that did not practice “Lent”. Although I had family members that certainly did, and so I was aware of it, and that they gave up specific things... but was never totally certain why. 

As a young adult, I went to a church that did practice Lent and the reasons they gave seemed, good, valid and poignant. I wanted to participate!! 

I wanted to:

 A. Show my Lord just how committed I am to Him. 

B. Understand on a a small scale what it means to “sacrifice”. If Jesus could give up all food & water for 40 days surely I could give up _________. (I usually picked something unhealthy for me, so that I could doubly justify its purpose.) I wanted to identify and deepen my connection to Him. 

C. I wanted to devote myself to prayer and scripture. And this was a tangible reminder ... Whenever I would have previously spent time thinking about or actually doing said *now forsaken* item, I would now spend that time in prayer and Bible reading. 

Man, How Holy was I gonna be? 

God would surely give me a gold star, and I would certainly be an esteemed martyr when people realized I had successfully given up: Social Media, Carbohydrates, Secular Music/magazines, television or whatever I felt led to. 

My understanding of this whole tradition and practice was that it was to have thoughtful and deliberate recognition of the time period where Jesus was being targeted and all that he endured leading up to the Cross. **To identify with Christ** and to be solemn and reverent in the face of His ultimate sacrifice on the cross. 

I did this for a few of years and each time, I tried and then subsequently failed. Time & time again. I would *slip* and have that carb, or watch that show... or login “just for a second”.  

I will say that more often than not I managed to remain true to my fasting and even managed to increase my Bible and Prayer time. 

But... every time I did slip, I was consumed with guilt. I believed I was letting God down. I wasn’t being a good enough “Christian”. Even when I managed to pick myself up and start again immediately, or the next day, for a brief moment I had shame and guilt. Additionally, during those tough *tempting* moments, if I had a win, and managed to successfully avert the temptation, I would feel a sting of resentment that I couldn’t have what I wanted. Which led to the cycle of guilt again. 

Therefore for *me*, My Lent time, ended up being riddled with Shame, Guilt, resentment and eventually in some cases, with me quitting all together and giving up! And then living with self condemnation and sadness. I felt pathetic, disappointed. Ashamed that I had let Jesus down. That I could not truly identify with Him. 

That’s when the Lord spoke to me. 

I realized... I didn’t get it at all! 

Jesus died precisely so we would NOT have to fast and sacrifice and give up anything to be closer to God. He died specifically so I could live in freedom *from* Guilt, Shame, resentment etc. 

The Lord was telling me to give up on Lent! 

He wanted me to know HIS Sacrifice was-and still is-ENOUGH. He gave up everything so we could live abundantly, blessed and enriching lives! 

We don’t have to be circumcised, we can eat the pork and we can dine with sinners. (Because hey, wherever you go... there you are, anyway!) 

I didn’t need a tradition to prompt me or motivate me to read my Bible and spend more time in prayer. And I didn’t need to have one more “works” for the enemy to distort and then use against me. 

For me, when I made this realization, a huge weight was lifted from me and I felt such release, such freedom!! 

I now spend most all my days (not just 40)  -not “giving up” anything but adding to my life, reaching out to strangers & those less fortunate. Reading my bible daily, listening  to worship music, praying and praising Jesus for HIS Sacrifice!! But it is all by CHOICE, without any hint of obligation or duty or pressure. 

Now LISTEN: I am not suggesting there is anything bad or wrong with Lent. I know many folks that continue to practice Lent. All, lovely, Godly, kind people, and it has been a helpful tool to grow their intimacy with Jesus. To identify with Him. They look forward to the sacrifice every year and hold it in high esteem, (I also hold them in high regard). And that is their choice. 

I’m just glad that we belong to a faith where it’s not “necessary” or “required”  for my salvation. And that we can reach out, deepen our relationship with Christ & identify with Him anytime of year. I know now,  Jesus is okay if I don’t practice Lent. 

A few words on Valentines day for SINGLES.

A few notes about Valentines day... 

Also known as SAD “Single Awareness Day”. 

It’s time to get some perspective. 

Here is some wisdom I learned while I was “waiting by the Kerith” feeling isolated, lonely and jealous. 

Valentines Day is a day to celebrate LOVE. 

NEWSFLASH: Love does not have to be *romantic* love. Love comes in many shapes & forms. 

You have a CHOICE about how you Perceive Valentines Day & How you Respond to it. (Pro-tip: this is actually the case with everything in life.) 

Instead of moping & feeling sorry (no judgement here, because I definitely did my share of this) because you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife etc... try these things instead. 

1. Show your loved ones you love them. (Duh!) the people already in your life who speak into it, who encourage you, help you, laugh with you and make you feel a sense of Joy. Could be family, friends, co-workers... anyone you care about. Try sending a text expressing your appreciation and love for them. Bless them and tell them all the good things they are! Hang out with them sometime *around* Valentines day, or if they’re single too, on V-Day. Nothing feels better than telling someone you love them, and appreciate them and the getting that in return! Feels amazing!! 
2. Do some good for someone else for no reason. There are soooo many “forgotten” and lonely people. You don’t own the market on this. There are people who literally have nobody to love them. (Nursing Homes and Homeless Shelters are full of them) Volunteer your time, bring baked goods and spend the evening doing a jigsaw puzzle or reading a book to an elderly person, get creative and do whatever makes sense to you. But the point is, instead of feeling sorry for yourself LOVE OTHERS. As we said, Nothing feels better than doing good for others. Boost yourself by boosting others. 
3. LOVE YOURSELF. Be good to yourself. Take care of your body, work-out, eat well and splurge a little too. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally drinking a glass of wine, eating that ice cream, binge watching a rom-com or sit-com, in your favorite Jammies. Or if getting dolled up and putting your face on and taking yourself out to a fancy dinner is more your style, do it! One of the best “dates” I ever went on, was the first time I got dressed up, heels, little black dress, the hair, the jewels, and went to a black tie jazz & martini bar..alone. It was incredibly rewarding knowing that I *could* feel pretty and enjoy myself without the company of another person. Made me so much stronger! 

The bottom line is, whatever you decide to do on Valentines day, celebrate or not, be open to LOVE of all kinds. And you won’t go wrong. 

1 Cor. 13:13 These three remain, Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is love... 

He is Faithful... when we are not.

Below is such a powerful promise. I feel like my whole life has been "troubled waters" that has brought glory to Jesus. But I am not perfect, I have made MANY mistakes. I've hurt a lot of people I love dearly. (Newsflash: *gasp* I'm a SINNER.) But lately the Lord has been wooing me to Himself. He has astonished me with His Grace and His Mercy and His Faithfulness.  I always thought that if I was "in sin" that somehow God would not be able to move in my life, and that I would be removed from Him, or He would remove Himself or His hand from me. But He has shown up in my life and been even MORE present in recent months than ever before.  *He moves in SPITE of my brokenness. * He uses me in spite of MY faithfulness.  *My behavior does not dictate my "position" as His Child.  *His word does not change.  *His faithfulness is not contingent on MY faithfulness *His Love does not leave. Ever.  I am humbled beyond measure. And I am a recipient of His Grace and Mercy in ways I have never experienced before. Indeed I am so in love and so grateful always with and to My Jesus. My prayer is, as it has always been to pursue Him the way He has pursued me.  #GodswordFTW #Jesus #NewThings Isaiah 43:18-19 English Standard Version (ESV) 18 “Remember not the former things,     nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;     now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness     and rivers in the desert.

DREAMERS

**Warning** Personal Rant. If you don’t agree, that’s totally allowed. But please do NOT engage in debates and/or personal attacks on this thread. I will unfriend you. I rarely post political opinions or comment publicly about controversial topics. But this has been stirring in my heart for months... and If my perspective can help even one person, then it’s worth sharing.

As a first generation immigrant, I was brought to this country with NO VOICE & NO CHOICE I was 3 years old. I did not speak the language. I did not look like the people around me. I remember clinging to my father, and being afraid of sights and sounds. It was so different than the jungle we came from. I remember being told over & over “God must have big plans for you! He SAVED you from the hardships of poverty/disease,  ______ (fill in the blank with any “third-world” problem) you are SO LUCKY, to come to the United States!”

But here’s a few questions... WHO decided that 3rd world countries are “less than” and the United States is “greater” than. Why was my immigration here not frowned upon by society? Why am I so lucky to have been given the opportunities I have had, and yet leave behind a community of children who were just like me. Why was I “the chosen one”.  I have lived my life successfully. Well educated, Followed *most* laws, (I speed sometimes...) and raised amazing kids who in turn are successful, well educated adults.

All of these accomplishments were the result of an original incident in which I had NO VOICE and NO CHOICE! Could it be that because my parents were affluent white Americans with the means and support to hire good lawyers and file proper paperwork... I was able to take advantage of these opportunities without fear of deportation?!

I remember when I was 4+ years old and went before the Judge in chambers, with my pink pettifore and my American flag pin & had to recite the pledge of allegiance... it was an honor for sure! And I DID feel lucky. But again, I HAD NO VOICE & NO CHOICE.

Many of you who were privileged enough to have been BORN here, forget that you also had NO VOICE and NO CHOICE. In that sense you are no different than I am.

Let that sink in a minute.

Why didn’t any of YOU have to take a test, and apply, to recite a pledge and get a lawyer and have tons of documentation and home-studies done to be a citizen?? That would be ridiculous right??? You didn’t ask to be born here, you just were! No voice. No choice.

Likewise my friends, I did not ask to come here as a preschooler ... I just was. I was brought here. Don’t get me wrong, for that I am incredibly grateful.

I’m so thankful and I do believe that The United States is an amazing place! Full of opportunities for education, employment... advancement, as well as healthcare and basic food & shelter. No WONDER so many parents also bring their children here to be as lucky as we are, to experience what we do. It’s no surprise that parents from all over want to flee their “3rd world” circumstances and come to the Land of Opportunity!

Why are we so privileged?? Not a single one of us “deserves” what we have just because we happened to be born someplace... why oh why are we punishing and rejecting a generation of immigrant children like me??

Brought here with no voice and no choice, just like you.

Do we need to be kept safe? Absolutely. Does immigration law need to be reformed, ubetcha. But the generation of kids-many now adults-who are essentially “American” in every sense of the word culturally, do not need to be made the examples.

#Dreamer. #SupportDaca #ImmigrationReform #NoVoiceNoChoice

Humanitarianism

Thinking a lot today about Compassionate Jesus. Had a great conversation with Brian about how Jesus was the first true “Humanitarian”.

I like to say I love Jesus and follow Jesus... if that’s true, how can I in my day-to-day life represent Him well.

There are many of you my friends, who do not even believe that Jesus existed. There are some that think he was a real “nice” man... but certainly not a deity.

I say it doesn’t matter. I love the person of Jesus. His life was remarkable and I want to love people fiercely the way He did.

I will give until it hurts. I will GO where others dare not go, to help even one person and let them know they matter! I will reach out to the unlovely and the poor choice makers and the sick and I will hold their hand and not judge them and I will smile and pray for them and offer them whatever hope I am able.

It feels daunting at times. There are so many millions of hurting people in this world. But whatever you can do, matters to that “starfish”.

As I ponder today on the life of MLK and of Jesus and other Martyrs of Love and equality I will not just keep those thoughts in my head or post it on FB. I will GO and put my thoughts & words into action.  Because faith without works is dead...

#NumberOneFan!

I have this tattoo on my wrist. It’s a very vague representation of my “life verse”. 

Z317 <>< 

Some folks have asked, so here is my story. 

Maybe it’s you as a parent, or maybe you had a parent like this, but what mommy or daddy doesn't love, and our hearts melt when our young children come to hug us for no reason. Maybe they tell us they really love us, “just because”. What mommy or daddy doesn't get mushy when our kids crawl into our laps for a snuggle and say we're “the best mommy and daddy in the whole world!”  

And when they are older, how those warm fuzzies fill us when they come to us and say…”I could really use your advice”. Or those rare times as teens when they still sit close to us on the couch on movie night.  

How much anguish are we in, how much concern do we have for them , what burden we carry...how our hearts hurt when they come to us and cling to us as they cry because they had their hearts broken or they failed at something very important to them. 

What about all the times they accomplish something they worked really hard for...and then can't WAIT to tell us about it! Not just anyone, us! They feel safe with us, they feel loved by us. If you were to ask any of my kids, they would tell you with certainty that I am their number one fan!! I am their biggest cheerleader. Nobody on this earth could be more proud, or love them more than I do. No matter what. 

Stop reading for a second, and think about those moments, the ones where we really feel and believe our children love us, trust us, need us, appreciate us and admire us... when all our hard work and unconditional love has come to fruition. When our love is able to quiet their fears. 

Guess what? 

That is exactly how God feels about YOU! 

Friends, He delights!!! In us. We forget (often) that He is our Daddy. Our perfect parent. Our Abba. He wants us to come to Him, when we are broken, confused, angry, uncertain, failing and hurt. He wants us to say “I need some advice,” He wants to be the shoulder we need to cry on. 

And when we are joyful and thankful...He rejoices with us, and over us ... the way we do our very own children. 

He will never deny us His affection! 

His heart melts on an even grander scale than ours when we draw close to Him and He BELIEVES that we love Him, trust Him, need Him, appreciate Him and admire Him. 

Never be afraid to approach the Throne of Grace with confidence with all of your burdens and your joys. Abba's waiting with open arms, a smile of warmth and a heart that takes great delight. He rejoices over us, like any good- proud mom or dad, of course when we accomplish something amazing, BUT even when we don't!! Much like with our own children when we are the first ones to say, “it’s okay, get back up, you'll do better next time! And I'm always here for you. “ 

My tattoo is a visual reminder, that no matter what. Jesus is my number one fan! He’s cheering for me, and He’s always there. Mighty enough to handle any pain or questions I have, and loving me unconditionally. 

Powell Paraphrases 9 verses. # 4

In you o' Lord will I put my trust. You are faithful. You lift up all who are bowed down and you hear their cries and save them. You make our enemy's flee and cut off all who do not remain in you. You will answer your promise to me and you will do what you say. For you are good in all your works. And I am your masterpiece. You rejoice over me with singing and nothing can take away your love for me.

Resolutions for anyone!

10 Resolutions everyone can keep... Even folks who don't make them! There are 365 days and approximately 8,760 hours this year. Take just a few minutes of this year to do the following at least once. (Make it a habit and improve many areas of your life!) 

1. Each day Find one thing you're thankful for, regarding that particular day. 

2. Say "Thank you" to someone and mean it. 

3. At least once or twice look; really look at your surroundings and find one beautiful object that you haven't noticed before. Take a mental picture. 

4. At least once or twice, just for a moment ... don't answer that text/call/message/email/other... Instead take a deep breath, close your eyes and remember!! Recall something positive. (From your childhood, or the day before. It doesn't matter... Just remember that feeling of joy.) 

5. Drink a large glass (12 oz or more) of water first thing when you wake up. Stave off hunger, headaches, fatigue, speed up slow bodily functions and so much more.  Good Morning! 

6. Read something (anything, a magazine, a book, newspapers) just for FUN. Brain Candy. 

7. Hug someone close to you an extra 10 seconds. 

8. Turn off all your electronics/internet/netflix an hour before bedtime. 

9. Complete a random act of kindness toward a stranger!! Your choice but look at this list for inspiration: 

http://www.popsugar.com/smart-living/Random-Acts-Kindness-Ideas-34351861

10. Take a day off work for no reason and just hit the beach! 

Where are you church?

I have been shown more grace, more kindness, more love and have been given more financial support, more tangible help (moving, packing, errands, rides, help with kids etc...) more shoulders to cry on and more sincere human empathy by my atheist/agnostic friends than I have my church/Christian friends.

Sure I've been given prayer support & some scriptures (and not minimizing its impact or importance of course) and I'm not saying ALL my Christian/Church friends bailed. Just pointing out that I received TANGIBLE and REAL and IMMEDIATE Help...more from my non-believing friends.

When times are hard and crisis strikes, you really do find out who your "true friends" are. The people that don't judge, that don't GOSSIP about you, the people that can HANDLE YOUR DRAMA because they know it's just a season and because you've been there when they needed YOU. THOSE are my friends. The girls that rolled up their sleeves and jumped right into my drama ready to carry me and fight for me!! The guys that were at a moments notice always willing to move me and/or spend time with my kids...

#Truth

#WhereAreYouChurch???

#NoWonderPeopleDontLikeChristians

#SadStateOfAffairs

I just want to say THANK YOU. I Love you all.

Not what you'd expect...*Trigger warning*

Original entry: 10/2013

To the person who raped me. 

I am not sure how to describe exactly what it means to me, what you did to me, how you treated me, how I felt.

I am not sure how to put into words..exactly what that did to me. 

It broke me. 

I could never feel good about myself. 

I could never enjoy sex. 

I have trouble even to this day.

 I could never feel pure or virginal. 

Those tender experiences, they were stolen from me. 

I could not trust anyone.

 I could not feel safe. 

I felt only fear.

 For so long. So. much. fear. 

So much rejection. 

So dirty and used. 

I felt so powerless. 

I felt so trapped. 

I felt worthless. 

I felt like you had all the control even YEARS after I last saw you. 

PTSD: The flashbacks, the nausea, the butterflies, the shaking, the tears...so many tears. It was trauma. Then anger, hatred really...rage. 

And to this day, I am broken in some ways. 

It affected my parenting and how vigilant I was with my daughters, it affected my marriage and relationship with my husband. 

I became self-destructive. 

I don't know how I let you have so much power over me. 

And for so so so so long. You controlled me. Absolutely. 

And it is so strange that even to this day. I am 40 years old and yesterday, in sharing my story, I became fearful of what you might do if you ever found out I told anyone. 

But the last & most important thing I want to say to you is this: 

Listen carefully..
I forgive you. 

I will no longer let you have any power over me. 

I am free. 

I forgive you and I pray for you and I bless you. 

I bless you. 

I pray that Jesus brings you into a true saving knowledge of himself. 

I pray that God himself would draw close to you & reach into your life and increase your faith, increase your joy, increase your health and prosper you financially. I bless you.

I no longer wish you harm. 
I. Release. You.

I am FREE from bondage to you. 

I have no more anger. 

No more fear.

No more self pity or brokenness. 

Because, Jesus. 

I finally understand the truth about our identity. We are each of us fearfully & wonderfully made, loved by an all loving creator. Each of us is forgiven beyond measure. 

Lastly, 
Jesus loves you. That is all.